Sunday, December 19, 2010

when a girl's heart leaks at the seams

Last night was glorious in a sweet, simple way.  The whole day was spent preparing for our best friends and neighbors, kids classmates and teachers who came for a Christmas party in our home.   Matt got out for a last minute meeting with a local brother to sharpen phrases and tweak sentences before he presented to our friends the reason we celebrate, the reason we worship God at Christmas.  Such dear friendships have been formed in these 11 months here.  Such sad goodbyes as we told them all we'll be moving the week after Christmas.

Our wonderful landlord was with us too, and her zany son, whom Isaiah absolutely adores.  Not a single one of us understands or agrees with or approves of the poor (unjust) decisions at our local law center that are forcing us to move from our home.  Everyone wants us to fight it but we've decided, with much peace and also great sadness, it's time for us to move on.

The kids were in bed only one hour late, exhausted from pillow fights and chases with kids from John's age up to twelve.  Cleanup was manageable and my amazing man blessed me to take a bulk of that load.  Then we sat down, exhausted too, on the couch for the last slice of the evening-  quietness, together, listening, marveling, praying.

Oh that these friends might receive the news of this Reason for Christmas.  Wonder that these friends and neighbors have become so dear in just 11 short months.  Would they know you, Christ!!

Oh to say goodbye to this home, this wonderful home that we love, where I pictured homeschooling big kids a few years down the road.  Our new place is great but I had dreamt so much of this home.   The Son of Man had no place to lay his head and apparently he is giving us grace to not let us lay our hopes down deep in a home for us either....  Last minute change to the contract on our new place made it a contract for just one year (we were hoping for 2 or 3 years).   But I will take it as grace for our good, though it is bitter too.

This baby is kicking me good- can't wait to meet him/her!-  and we still don't have a place to stay when we go to the capital for the birth in two and a half months.  

Oh that our lives here would be fruitful for the glory of the One who is worth everything we have to give.   Oh, oh to have a better view of him....  to be driven after who he is even more than the smaller aims we strive after for him.   Oh to know God!

How grateful I am to share all this with such a husband as mine!  And what a great dad he is too.

Sometimes I'm quite sure my seams will not hold- my heart and all these emotions you made me with, will burst out of me here- and I'm so glad to know that you welcome me like this- keeping all of these tears, hearing all of these prayers, knowing all of my heart.  

Endless thanks and awed joy to belong to such a God as You.


  1. Thanks for sharing your heart, Jill. You have such a wonderful perspective on all this is going on around you. We will continue to pray for peace as you make this transition. What a gift to have such a sweet time with friends before you have to move

  2. Oh how I wish you could have stayed and continud to invite these dear friends into your home CHristmas after Christmas! How sad and yet hopeful I am about the changes He is bringing into your life. Protection perhaps, who knows but Him who does the leading....
    You are so dear, I am so in awe of the God who could bring about a peace in the disappointment in your heart...He is so very capable of doing all things through willing vessels....thanks for being willing. Your humility and obedience sharpens me, Dear One....Love you!