Just a quick link to share here....
Matthew blessed me exceedingly with gifts for my birthday this year. All the best: time. I got a morning out alone to read and write and then I got him to myself all afternoon and evening, while dear friends of ours watched our kiddos for us. To prepare for that time, I googled for some help with goal-setting for marriage and I struck gold. There were a few sites that looked alright but I think what Deepak Reju, a pastor at Capitol Hill Baptist Church, has shared as a guide for a Do-It-Yourself Marriage Retreat, just can't be beat. Incredibly helpful questions to connect and hear from each other and find ways to spur one another on in godliness and serve and support one another with kindness, help, encouragement.... I hope we'll be returning to this retreat guide for years to come!
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Thursday, November 3, 2011
How did I ever...
...get it this good? I still shake my head with wonder, these seven and a half years in, that I could ever be married to this man, ever get to raise these four precious lives born out of our love, ever serve and take joy on the front-lines of this life/battle together with him.
I remember an awkward (oh so tempted to write awful except that the Lord redeemed it) internship I was in more than a decade ago. All of us singles who wanted to work overseas got to take a class on marriage and family: me and three guys. (Ug.) The class came late in our internship and I had already decided not to work overseas with that group, and the teacher had probably finalized his letters home about me (that I would never do well working overseas), and two of the guys kept running into brick walls when trying to discuss views of marriage with me. Why would I argue for this position? Surely I was demeaning my gender?? No, I still disagree with those dorks ( :) )
I dreamt of marriage being a living picture of the Gospel, Christ pursuing his bride and loving her with her life, her responding with all the lavishness of a heart delighted in and made beautiful by the Lover's love. I dreamt of love and being served and serving gladly, mutual submission. And I was scoffed at- surely I was the young, dumb one- who would say roles in marriage seemed most sparklingly beautiful.... They thought that unless a husband and wife shared everything straight down the middle (each with a little of every role and responsibilty) that I was degrading myself. (Not so!)
I dreamt of raising kiddos and serving up yumminess daily when he would come home, squeeze my shoulders and kiss me in the kitchen before sitting down for dinner with our little ones (who, in the dream, were never grumpy and were always perfectly obedient, of course, because we would be patient, perfect parents...) well... it works in my dream anyway.
YES. This was my dream then and it's my delight now to serve in our home. I don't view work in the home as slave labor or as menial work that any 12 year old could do.... My view of homelife - the ideals we are striving after here- are way too glorious to be so mocked or misunderstood. This job takes all of me (physically, emotionally, spiritually), challenges me, and requires great grace from God continually even to keep things nearly rolling well here... I love every aspect and need every bit of this refining! Matt and I are agreed that the work in our home is the most important job in our lives, not second to anything he does at the office or in the classroom all day long.
My prose is getting away from me here so I'll just cut to the punch and tell you: I have been more blessed than I ever had dreamed. The Lord has completely outdone himself to give me such a man.
Matt has four evenings of class each week right now. I'm tired when he comes home. This semester is also the heaviest load I've had in language study since Isaiah was our only infant and we've added 3 kiddos and several more responsibilities since then. I'm tired and he's tired... (Masters in Chinese, 3rd language study, helping start up a business and lots of relationships, yada yada yada....) but still, when he comes home, he jumps into our circus like the ring leader he is, getting tackled, giving tickles and sometimes spanks and often pep talks and always hugs before he even gets a drink of water or a potty break of his own. All this, often after a 1.5 hour bike road home in the cold. (Edit: he just clarified that he rides 1.5 hour daily but round trip... I still think he's awesome.) He loves me and he loves our kids so blazingly, wonderfully much (and he'll probably be embarrassed when he reads this and ask me to take it down, but I won't (though I truly usually do value the respect and submission bit).... Sorry Darling.)
I am so glad I get to lead our home and he gets to lead us all in it. He's the director of our show (though he also submits to the Script and it's Writer). I'm the stage manager. I'm so blessed that the weight and responsibility of ultimately keeping the roof over this circus is on his shoulders and not mine. But my role is crucial too. And while it's different than his (just like I'm different than him) there's no thought of my work or my value being any less than his, him... I love it. I love him.
Next week we're starting to meet with our tutors (a sweet dating couple) for an attempt at premarital counseling. It will be something to talk about love and humility and what makes a marriage and selflessness, sacrifice, service, perseverance and forgiveness with these guys. We look forward to sharing with them about the love of God- 1 Corinthians 13, 1 John 3:16- and how all this is unattainable with mere human effort but it gets planted in us like a seed to grow by the One who has first loved us so lavishly. Selfless love. Forgiveness. God Does This.
The pleasure is all mine that I should get to grow with this man to know and love and serve this Lover God with him.
Thank you, Thank you, Lord.
I need sleep tonight (please kiddos!) so I can't go into much here.... but for a tiny bit more about Complementarianism (this view of equal and distinct and beautifully complementary roles for men and women), you could check this post or this free online book.
I remember an awkward (oh so tempted to write awful except that the Lord redeemed it) internship I was in more than a decade ago. All of us singles who wanted to work overseas got to take a class on marriage and family: me and three guys. (Ug.) The class came late in our internship and I had already decided not to work overseas with that group, and the teacher had probably finalized his letters home about me (that I would never do well working overseas), and two of the guys kept running into brick walls when trying to discuss views of marriage with me. Why would I argue for this position? Surely I was demeaning my gender?? No, I still disagree with those dorks ( :) )
I dreamt of marriage being a living picture of the Gospel, Christ pursuing his bride and loving her with her life, her responding with all the lavishness of a heart delighted in and made beautiful by the Lover's love. I dreamt of love and being served and serving gladly, mutual submission. And I was scoffed at- surely I was the young, dumb one- who would say roles in marriage seemed most sparklingly beautiful.... They thought that unless a husband and wife shared everything straight down the middle (each with a little of every role and responsibilty) that I was degrading myself. (Not so!)
I dreamt of raising kiddos and serving up yumminess daily when he would come home, squeeze my shoulders and kiss me in the kitchen before sitting down for dinner with our little ones (who, in the dream, were never grumpy and were always perfectly obedient, of course, because we would be patient, perfect parents...) well... it works in my dream anyway.
YES. This was my dream then and it's my delight now to serve in our home. I don't view work in the home as slave labor or as menial work that any 12 year old could do.... My view of homelife - the ideals we are striving after here- are way too glorious to be so mocked or misunderstood. This job takes all of me (physically, emotionally, spiritually), challenges me, and requires great grace from God continually even to keep things nearly rolling well here... I love every aspect and need every bit of this refining! Matt and I are agreed that the work in our home is the most important job in our lives, not second to anything he does at the office or in the classroom all day long.
My prose is getting away from me here so I'll just cut to the punch and tell you: I have been more blessed than I ever had dreamed. The Lord has completely outdone himself to give me such a man.
 |
March 14, 2004 |
Next week we're starting to meet with our tutors (a sweet dating couple) for an attempt at premarital counseling. It will be something to talk about love and humility and what makes a marriage and selflessness, sacrifice, service, perseverance and forgiveness with these guys. We look forward to sharing with them about the love of God- 1 Corinthians 13, 1 John 3:16- and how all this is unattainable with mere human effort but it gets planted in us like a seed to grow by the One who has first loved us so lavishly. Selfless love. Forgiveness. God Does This.
The pleasure is all mine that I should get to grow with this man to know and love and serve this Lover God with him.
Thank you, Thank you, Lord.
I need sleep tonight (please kiddos!) so I can't go into much here.... but for a tiny bit more about Complementarianism (this view of equal and distinct and beautifully complementary roles for men and women), you could check this post or this free online book.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Congratulations J & YY!
We were glad to get to celebrate the wedding of a cool neighbor of ours here a few weeks ago. He married a sweet local lady and their wedding ceremony was special in every great way- such a time of worship and joy for the Lord's blessing and grace towards these two! In a letter they wrote and shared in the booklet that was given to everyone at the ceremony, J quoted some fantastic words that he wrote to his bride in a letter he gave her when he first declared his desire to pursue her. Praise the Lord for such godly manliness to so pursue a godly woman!
He wrote to her: "I hope that you will not walk into any relationship (whether it's with me or someone else) thinking that that relationship will be the solution to any problems you feel you have. The solution is always to be found in Jesus. I don't want you thinking that I could ever be the way you solve your needs. If, however, as a couple we could grow to know and love Jesus more together, then I can think of nothing I would rather do with my life."
J, Way to speak the truth and romance your woman, as you point her towards Christ!
May God abundantly, richly bless the two of you with grace, wisdom and joy, for His glory!
He wrote to her: "I hope that you will not walk into any relationship (whether it's with me or someone else) thinking that that relationship will be the solution to any problems you feel you have. The solution is always to be found in Jesus. I don't want you thinking that I could ever be the way you solve your needs. If, however, as a couple we could grow to know and love Jesus more together, then I can think of nothing I would rather do with my life."
J, Way to speak the truth and romance your woman, as you point her towards Christ!
May God abundantly, richly bless the two of you with grace, wisdom and joy, for His glory!
Sunday, November 16, 2008
blessing my man
The Girl Talk Blog- which two dear friends pointed out to me (Thanks CV and DC!) recently posted 5 days full of ideas of ways to bless your husband. (When you click on this link, only day 5 will come up, then click on the link to day 4 at that top of that page).
I really enjoyed reading the contributions there and am really excited to have these creative ideas ready to go, to bless my man. Ladies, I think it's well worth a look of your own at this page, (especially since the top way to bless your man, which we all know, but is cutely shared, is better mentioned there than on this family blog!. Still, I'll sum up my other favorites and a few of my own thoughts here:
1- Drop the kids off at the end of the afternoon at a friends house so Matt comes home to a refreshing surprise. I got to do this for him last week (Thanks DC!!) it was a fantastic treat for both of us.
2- tell the kids often how blessed they are to have him for a dad, encourage and help them to express this to him with hugs and notes and gifts
3- tell his parents how well he blesses me, speak confidently of him to others
4- be gracious with his faults and weaknesses and quick to forgive
5- At the end of a long day, prepare a snack plate and a drink for him in our room so he can come home and rest a minute before he has to be “on” for me and the kids.
6- email him, text him encouraging notes
7- encourage him and provide dinner for him to have a guys night at our place
8- spend money wisely, honor the constraints of the budget he has set
9- be self controlled in emotion and expression when communicating with him- try to calmly, clearly communicate.
10- Clear time for him to “cave”, to work on his own things and not have to always be on call to answer questions or help in some way
11- PRAY FOR HIM. journal it.
12- Encourage dates for him with the kids and special dates with me.
And... while I'm at it, I'll share the top things that Matt does to bless me. (I'm just listing five things- but they are more broad categories of blessing he gives me :) )
1- Lead. I feel so provided for and cared for when Matt is aware of our family situations and makes decisions for us, sets goals and a plan for reaching them (ie. training our kids about the Lord, or determining priorities for a week's schedule). Especially as a mom of young kids, sometimes making a decision about something is just more than I can add to a day that's been filled to the brim with craziness already. He blesses when he leads confidently in Christ, sensitively and lovingingly towards me, and joyously in his role as the head of our home.
2- "Connecting Night." We started doing this earlier this year- once a week, put the kids down and then the two of us snuggle up and chat on the couch, like an in-house date night. It's far more doable for us than finding a babysitter and spending money going out every week. Spending one evening a week to catch up with each other and grow together in marriage, parenting, or just pursuing the Lord together, is a great encouragement to me! (I'm also realizing that some special times out of the house are probably well- worth the investment too!)
3- Bless our kids. I love to see how Matt loves our kids. I love watching him enjoy them, and make them laugh. Both our kids delight in their father's love, delight in the fun he is with them, and they both are blessed by instruction and discipline from him. And I have to say, my man is growing in his role as a father.... he seems to be getting better and better at this job!
4- Be diligent at his work. I love to see him work excellently to the Lord's glory in the many different responsibilities he has. It makes me admire and respect him all the more.
5- My man is wise in his relationships with others, often challenging me, and regularly meeting with other guys for accountability and mentoring. He also blesses me tremendously with his maturity in relationship with other ladies, being careful to not leave room for misunderstanding or even the "appearance of evil."
I really enjoyed reading the contributions there and am really excited to have these creative ideas ready to go, to bless my man. Ladies, I think it's well worth a look of your own at this page, (especially since the top way to bless your man, which we all know, but is cutely shared, is better mentioned there than on this family blog!. Still, I'll sum up my other favorites and a few of my own thoughts here:
1- Drop the kids off at the end of the afternoon at a friends house so Matt comes home to a refreshing surprise. I got to do this for him last week (Thanks DC!!) it was a fantastic treat for both of us.
2- tell the kids often how blessed they are to have him for a dad, encourage and help them to express this to him with hugs and notes and gifts
3- tell his parents how well he blesses me, speak confidently of him to others
4- be gracious with his faults and weaknesses and quick to forgive
5- At the end of a long day, prepare a snack plate and a drink for him in our room so he can come home and rest a minute before he has to be “on” for me and the kids.
6- email him, text him encouraging notes
7- encourage him and provide dinner for him to have a guys night at our place
8- spend money wisely, honor the constraints of the budget he has set
9- be self controlled in emotion and expression when communicating with him- try to calmly, clearly communicate.
10- Clear time for him to “cave”, to work on his own things and not have to always be on call to answer questions or help in some way
11- PRAY FOR HIM. journal it.
12- Encourage dates for him with the kids and special dates with me.
And... while I'm at it, I'll share the top things that Matt does to bless me. (I'm just listing five things- but they are more broad categories of blessing he gives me :) )
1- Lead. I feel so provided for and cared for when Matt is aware of our family situations and makes decisions for us, sets goals and a plan for reaching them (ie. training our kids about the Lord, or determining priorities for a week's schedule). Especially as a mom of young kids, sometimes making a decision about something is just more than I can add to a day that's been filled to the brim with craziness already. He blesses when he leads confidently in Christ, sensitively and lovingingly towards me, and joyously in his role as the head of our home.
2- "Connecting Night." We started doing this earlier this year- once a week, put the kids down and then the two of us snuggle up and chat on the couch, like an in-house date night. It's far more doable for us than finding a babysitter and spending money going out every week. Spending one evening a week to catch up with each other and grow together in marriage, parenting, or just pursuing the Lord together, is a great encouragement to me! (I'm also realizing that some special times out of the house are probably well- worth the investment too!)
3- Bless our kids. I love to see how Matt loves our kids. I love watching him enjoy them, and make them laugh. Both our kids delight in their father's love, delight in the fun he is with them, and they both are blessed by instruction and discipline from him. And I have to say, my man is growing in his role as a father.... he seems to be getting better and better at this job!
4- Be diligent at his work. I love to see him work excellently to the Lord's glory in the many different responsibilities he has. It makes me admire and respect him all the more.
5- My man is wise in his relationships with others, often challenging me, and regularly meeting with other guys for accountability and mentoring. He also blesses me tremendously with his maturity in relationship with other ladies, being careful to not leave room for misunderstanding or even the "appearance of evil."
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