at the heart

What a season...  An exclamation point could do here, but at the same time, it doesn't fit.  Life has slowed and stilled on the blog front because it seems like the five lives with me in the house are growing and going at race pace with all the regular.... which I know well, is far less for us here than "the regular" stuff and pace of life in America.  But it makes me question my own soul- life and rest and growth in me- to see how halted life has been here- where my heart lives, where I love to pour out some overflow in the edge hours, once all the tucking in is done.

My desire and aim for our home is to be a loving, lively, living place....  A place for tender embraces and long looks into other's eyes to listen to tellers tell stories.  A place for  exuberance and silly and we-live-here kind of messes and hopefully enough manners learned and practiced to keep a mama sane and keep us somewhat doable for welcoming friends to come in.  A place for green things drinking in air and water and sunshine,  for fresh-baked smiles and licking our fingers, for songs sung loud and for Words written living, deep in our hearts, together.  And by the grace of God, I think we do live like this most days...  along with the ever-present backdrop of pretty continual bickering.  sigh.

This blog hasn't been so loved, or so living.  There are seasons for that.  And there's grace for that.  But I do look forward to cultivating more growth here again.  I long for soul growth in me again... for reading and writing and finding and creating beauty, for celebrating living.

I've missed birthdays...  I don't think I've ever skipped any blog record of kid birthdays in our home before.  But I have now.  Isaiah is ELEVEN and Vivian is SIX (she's even memorized A.A. Milne's poem for the occasion).  Isaiah had a great crew of young men over to our place for fun games and play and dinner and then they watched Fantastic Beasts.  I didn't snap a single picture and I woke up that night like my heart was stabbed when I realized it.  Vivian had an "easy party" (for mama's sake) the next day and we took her and two sweet girlfriends to Beauty and the Beast and beef noodle soup for lunch.  We even had some of our dear friends over that evening for cake and play to celebrate both of them together... a sweet first.

And my man, my dearest and bestest, my admired and delighted-in husband turned 40.   It went completely unmentioned and he's glad for that.  We're hoping to get the six of us to some mountains nearby for a first family camping trip and we'll mark it as Dad's (and Mom's since it will be right between our b-days) Fortieth celebration.

The two of us got lunch out -noodles too spicy for the kids to eat anyway- to celebrate our 13th anniversary too.  Still can't believe I get to be married to him.

***

When we were in the states, I got to be in a Wednesday morning Bible study with a group of saints and story-tellers and beautiful lovers of Jesus that I came to love deeply.  I think it was the youngest one there, who told us, teary-eyed, how her own soul felt a bit lost since she'd become a mama to two tiny ones.

I've been there.  (Hasn't every mama?)  But after that, for me, I was grateful to return to some more years of growth and awareness and expansion in my soul again.  It seems the cycle has come full swing though, and again, the past near-year or so has been a new stage of pruning.  Like the branches in our apartment complex that our kids grieved over: "Why do they have to be cut back so much!?"  "When will it ever have branches and leaves and fruit and flowers again!?"

Today I cleaned the house and decided I'd let the time spent wiping and washing be restful, take pleasure in the beautifying of this place we're blessed to call home.  Let it be slow and enjoy the transformation.  No need to race through this too as if efficiency at all things is the only way a thing matters.  I planted seeds too, on our patio, that I feel like royalty to get to have here in a packed and run-down city.  I'm going to put out the hammocks this evening and watch the clouds.  

Tomorrow is another day for work.  There will be plenty of it and it is of eternal value and our labor in this is not in vain.  This I trust.  But a day off is good.  God took the day off after he had worked six good days and how can I do any better?

I can't.

Matt told me a few months ago that it seems like I assume a thing doesn't exist unless it's been spoken or recorded...  What he noticed was sadly true in me and I need to recognize it's untrue to believe.  There is so much in him, in me, in our home and kids and life all around us that is living and growing even if I don't have words that can hold it, a shutter that can capture it, eyes to recognize it at all.  Give us grace, Lord, to live it.  I want to give all that I can to live every moment the fullest full for God's glory- even when there's no pencil and paper or blog to type on or camera to record it.  But too, it is in the naming of gifts, the counting them, the remembering them and celebrating and pondering and recognizing anew... that life is stirred in the depths.  It doesn't have to be everything, every time...  but a record of graces, a place to ponder these gifts, is for me, itself a place of birthing and beholding life.  (HT:  Ann V.)

So here's to renewed reading and writing, to some homemade sangria on the patio on another day off, to guitar strumming and listening long and serving each other,  and capturing still shots of all this living, this growing grace I'm so privileged to see and to serve.

Now for the rest of this day to be restful in ways that allow for the stirring up of life under the soil in me too.

May it be, Lord, for Your glory.

Best Invested (with a gift for you)

Scroll down for a little gift... a big picture planning printable

Have you heard the illustration of rocks and sand in the jar?  I remember well the guy who held up the transparent glass,  sharing how we fill can it (our lives) with rocks, pebbles, sand, water.  He held no punches while he boldly encouraged us to live radically for the Glory of the One who has given us all.   The idea is that if you start with the small stuff first, you can't fit in any of the big ones, but if you place rocks in your jar first, the other stuff can slip in around it.  What are the rocks to place in my life?  

I just came across the story again in this post from Living Well Spending Less.  She's got five points to consider that I found really doable and I'm excited.  Excited because I realized after reading it that there's a pattern in my life that I think can be changed for good gain.    

I know I can get much (much) more done in a day when I've written down all the tasks, the pieces, the little projects as well as the big.  Of course, any day might include it's own Vesuvius.... but I still want to plan the best that I can, right?!  So when I write things down, more of the small moments that come loose can be seized, given to a priority rather than putzed away and swept under the rug where everyday never adds up to anything.  

Usually, I try to plan a week at a time:  meals, household admin tasks, appointments.  Then I have a crazy pile of a list at the back of my weekly plan.  That page is all the stuff I don't want to forget about and I'd eventually like to get done, but I've never had a thorough plan to actually do any of it.  The pile page is sprouting weed seeds and growing like a villain.  Clearly a little improvement is needed but I'm still stubborn and unwilling to give up my simple weekly plan.  It's just the way I tick.... 

So how to tackle the back page pile-up?  Well, I've made a bit of a monthly or big picture planner page.  The idea is that what's written there be not just possibilities, eventual goals of never-ending (un)doableness, but real, I-can-finsh-this-thing, hard targets.   My weekly plan will take projects from this new page and add in the daily business so that by the end of the month, hopefully the mountain has  been sumitted.  

Filling in the big picture is something to pray over well.   A little bit less than a seasonal planning retreat, and far more strategic than planning just the urgent responses needed every day.  For this,  I want to tuck away for an hour or two a month to seek the Lord for... How can I make the most of the gift I've been given- the time I've been given- to live best invested for the glory of my King?  How can I make special moments with my husband and kids, to love them well?  What scripture would be best to meditate on/ memorize?  What books should I read and how can I process and apply the learning to gain all that I can from that book?    What people do I need to connect with?  What needs can I minister to and how can I shine as bright as this little light possibly can?    

To make it super special for me and hopefully a worthy gift to share with you (just in case you're a nutty (paper and pen) planner like I am), I asked the artistic wonder Danielle Burkleo to make it lovely.  She sure did.    Simple and sweet.  I love it.  

Here's it is, a printable, as a tiny gift to you, friends.  

The priorities are the big three:  Relationships, Worship, Service.   And then three places where those are played out:  Home, Education, Personal.  Again, this is a place for specifics, targets to hit and take down.  Maybe the truly nutty will need a Dream Page too, or a 5-10 year plan to fuel this one?  I know for me, one tricky thing to pay attention to is that I don't bite off ridiculously more than I can possibly chew. Be ambitious and be realistic.  Lord help me!

Options are endless and the lists might just overflow somewhere...  here's some of what I'll probably include:  Relationships.  Family meetings- topics to discuss, outings with each kid 1:1, Matt's outings with kiddos, family fun night, special plan for Matt and I (we love an intentional at home date night).  For Personal, instead of just piling up more books on my bedside table that I'm in the middle of reading.... still...  I'm going to try to finish reading a book by a finish date (some books, like devotionals, might go under "Worship" or maybe "Relationship".)

Lastly, it's a good thing for me to remember....  Rocks are Hard.  It's hard to get up early, but it's worth it.  It's even a bit harder for me to go to bed early, but it's crucial.    It's hard to carve out time to plan, but I get a serious more done when I do, and almost always, I get the more important things done only when I plan.  Rocks are hard....  but oh to make it happen!  

"So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom."  Psalm 90:12

Enjoy the printable dear friends!
(Being that the professionalism of this blog is just... well... nonexistent, if you'd like to print this but don't know how (I don't know either!) please email me or comment and I can send you the file as an attachment that will be cake to print :)