Friday, January 2, 2009

bicultural, bilingual, and plenty of sin to go around

We live in a great exciting place, and I want to share more about not only our kids (though they are spectacular) but also about life here- with all of it’s quirks, struggles, and excellent worthwhileness. (To better understand what will and won’t be posted here, click on the link to understanding.)

I’ve realized this week that sin is more evident to me, comes out of me and flourishes in my heart when I function in the local language than when I function in English. Maybe I just don’t see it in my English life as clearly (yes, of course)... but, what I do see in me here, now is absolutely awful. I’m impatient with people, unforgiving, unconcerned to connect with our babysitter because her education level is so low and it sometimes seems like there’s so little to talk about that doesn’t anger me (she was so excited her sister had taken some medicine after she was pregnant to help her have a boy- impossible- except that one of the intentions of the medicine is to kill a baby girl.) I can resist so strongly in my heart and with my words when people (young girls and grandmas and everyone, both genders, in between) advise me on how to care for my children, how to teach them, how to discipline them, what they should wear, and what they should eat. I rebel so proudly and push back in such a way so that I’m sure many times these dear local friends can’t think of how to respond to my refusal of their words, my disagreeableness to converse with them on these topics. They are only trying to help and show their love and concern for me. Oh God HUMBLE me! Humble me. Haven't we come here to show Love?

Praise God that this junk in my heart isn’t the only thing that is ever there, but how I need to be refined by his grace! Oh for more of Him. He must become greater I must become less... much less.