the crunch

Can I just acknowledge that this is hard?  We moved earlier this year and this is nothing compared to that.  And it's cake compared to leaving for 5-6 months.  But packing up our family and leaving our home decently contained for nearly three months, and saying good byes here (and good grief!  We'll be back in less than three months!) and preparing for at least a dozen wonderful stops across the states, and flights (who doesn't loathe buying flight tickets?  ) and all the details.... cars to borrow, homes to stay in, gatherings to arrange, and all the supplies we'll need to gather to come back here, and it's not like we live in the desert of Sudan, but we'll be hauling a hefty load back here, I know.

And none of this counts as big stuff, I know that too.  It's just that these little things have added up to enough to pretty much undo me.

Yesterday was an ugly crunch.  Just Too Much To Do.  Kids loved by dear sweet friends..... but oh, maybe one of their kids might have a hand foot and mouth disease, so yea, we'll pick our kids up early.  Sorry about that.  And then when I got to deliver the kids to their house...  I discovered that Matt was across town in the car.   And the crunch continued and it wasn't pretty and I was panicky. Just so much weighing down.

And there is grace.
Grace for this.
Grace for me.

Just the day before we listened to Matt Chandler exhort us about Woman's Hurdles.  (See a few posts down for the amazing sermon series we're listening to).  And he offered that women fight hard against perfectionism- trying to be the perfect mom, wife, pintrest star.  He said something like "You will never be the perfect mom.  Your kids don't need a perfect mom.  They need a mom who shows them grace.  They need a great mom and that's a mom who clings to Jesus and boasts in grace so that every time she falls, she gets right back up again and carries on."

That's me.  Today.  A few hours before we jump on a plane in predawn darkness tomorrow proclaiming to myself with this web pen, and brokenly sharing with you dear crazy ones who'd dare to read this far....  Yesterday I was down, miserably panicking and racing around like that poor proverbial chicken...  but by grace, by Jesus, I'm back in it again.  I'm crying as I write this, but it does help my heart to spell it all out.... (even while my piles loom.)  I feel weak and unable to finish all this but I'll keep clinging and we will make it and I think there will even be joy in this journey.  I'm grateful that I have reason to trust and know confidently, yes, there will be.

And it will be good to arrive on the other end....  Vacation Time. at Christmas. with Family.  Man....I am hungrily grateful for it already.    (Ok, I'm also pretty excited about a bathtub, carpet, parking lots, chocolate mint ice cream and a good burger... but that's probably more than really does need to be shared here.  Too bad though.... 'tis a post for honesty!)