Aiming for Authentic Joy

Inspired by the masterful post “Harvesting Hope.” Here’s my parallel plea, my own prayer and desire for our family, and for my photo recording of our lives together, especially this Christmas.

I want time with you.  

I want to be with you

and to know you.

I want to hear you,

hear you share your heart,

your dreams, your fears,

that never-ending dream from last night,

or maybe it was a year ago?

Tell me all the never-ending details, please.

I'm here for you.

I want to hear you breath, 

chew (well, a little less would be fine)

and swing your pillow through the air to start battle.  

I want to hear you sing.

and sing with you.

I want to pray with you.

I want to receive with you

the grace that makes us all even, equal,

sinners, saved, for glory, by lavish, unfathomable grace.

I’ve said that I accept you- 

warts and weaknesses and all-

but I’d like to do that better, truer, deeper.

Please forgive me for when I’ve not

born with your weakness

but tried to insist that you come in line right.now.
You have born with my weaknesses too.

Please forgive me.

I’ve been shown so much grace.  

Oh to be an open vessel for His grace

to flow into, onto you through me.  

That’s what I want.  

And as for the laundry on the couch, 

it’s on our bed.

And the scribbles on the wall,

they’re on several.

And the crying, there will be much of it.

And hopefully much, much more laughter

(Daddy can make you laugh 

almost anywhere, anytime, can’t he?)

I want to pass you the camera, 

my budding photographers,

and thank you for the gift 

of your angle

and perspective.

I can’t capture for myself,

Daddy’s arms around me,

his kiss nuzzling into my neck

his words and hands that stroke away my anxiety

as he helps me to lift my eyes

and remember what’s true.  

I want to be gracious in giving to you

the chance to capture these treasured moments.  

Thank you for your skill that captures these 

glimers of this fast fading time 

that itself is a record of your growth and heart.

Thank you.

I can’t capture this all on my own.

I need you.

Oh I need you, and I love you dearly.

And I want to jump in with you on photo fun.

I’m sad that I don’t have hundreds more photos

of me with you.

Oh my babies!

I’ve blamed a dozen things but

I’m the primary changer needed.    

Thank you for wanting me with you

even wanting me to be recorded forever 

in digital family stone 

looking like…

the mom that I am.  

Thank you for loving me.

Oh I love you so.

And you know what?  

We still might resort to bribery.

Just take the chocolate promise and 

smile big please,

OK loves?

Do it for me, 

and for your auntie,

and for your grandma.

We’ll be so happy to have a few pics 

of hopefully our whole large 

and larger crowd

all smiling at once.

And if that takes a bit of extra encouragement

lets count it as a gift.

Just this once, 

we’ll won’t call it fake.

But the rest of the time your smiles 

aren’t going to be paid for 

with skittles or chocolate.

If you don’t smile,

{here kids: see me raise my eyebrows and sneaky smile at you}

you’ll be the ones to go down in family stone

and we will show the pictures in your wedding

of your grumpy face 

and it won’t be my fault.

And I’ll love you still.

We all will.

But I do most earnestly, deeply hope

that joy is the real story of our family.

I want to make joy with you, for you.

Hold my plans loosely and

believe the truth about 

our imperfect family life

being the stuff of real purpose, 

the place where forgiveness grows into life,

bears strength

and joy that’s just a taste of life beyond

these dark confines. 

I am the gladdest any mama could ever be

that I get to look for wonder,

sing into your sadness,
pray for peace and patching up, and
take Jesus as the Savior we 
everyday need, 
get up again when we fall down,
and aim for joy 
and live it

with you.