so grateful

In the past week we've enjoyed visits from two families we love. For the dear B's, I had to welcome them at the door of our apartment announcing, "Please come in, Isaiah and I have just thrown up (less than a minute apart, a minute before they knocked) but it's just food poisoning, nothing contagious. We really are so glad you're here. Please take a seat and I'll be right with you..." as I headed into the bathroom to clean up my poor boy.

You were champion guests to put up with such a welcome and we so enjoyed our brief visit. Thanks for stopping to visit us, friends! I'm so sad I didn't snap even a single picture of your time with us... we love you guys!

And then the C's... what delights you are to each of our hearts. It is funny how sweetly the Lord has knit us together even in the line up and timing of kids he's given each of us, and more than that, in each of our hearts we're so blessed to get to count you as friends. We love you!

So grateful we got to have the big boys together for some play time, we had time to hear from you, C & D, for this season of life and work in the place where God has you, time to enjoy each of your three wonders (and pray that our goofy love dove girl will pick up on some of your sweet darling's gentleness and kindness), time to enjoy Papa Johns with you and your parents, and laugh at the specatcle we made of ourselves- TEN foreigners on a 3-wheel bike- on the way to the park and we squished in that belly-laugh-worthy-trampoline-harness set up we got our big kids rigged into.... Our time with you was pure gift. Thank you. We are so soo grateful for you!

John, glad to catch a glimpse of Auntie Darcy

Many tears were shed in the moments before our goodbye, and for a while after the C's departure. Sweet sadness. So much to be grateful for.

Hiking the "Too Peaceful Forest"

Last week we took a day off in the middle of the week to avoid the weekend crowds.... We got a ride about an hour out of town and found this fantastic strip of land, the "Too Peaceful Forest." It's a patch of small mountains snuggling just right with a little river to leave a trail of waterfalls, 6 or 7 of them and all good sized, that we saw before we turned around to head home. So, soo beautiful.

But this is China, and things are often different than I would expect, or maybe desire... even after we've lived here nearly four years. Instead of leaving this beauty untouched, this "forest" was made available to more people by having the path paved. I guess there are advantages (for the masses) to this approach.

At our highest spot, there was a loud speaker blaring dumb pop music. Would no one would want to hear the crash of this, the largest and loudest fall? Such a not peaceful intrusion on such magnificent beauty. That part made us really sad, but we still greatly enjoyed the day.

Taking off on the hike. I was surprised that several of these dressed up "hikers" made it as high up the trail as we did but most of them lost the shoes before long, buying simple flat soled pairs at stands along the way.

She was all twinkle toes and skipping for the first 20 minutes.... and she made it on her own two feet for almost the entire 5 hours.

Our lunch spot. I need to continually remind myself that places like this are not going to be private, quiet, restful, away from the crowds any day of the week. Sometimes I feel like we're a travelling circus, like our friends around us think we've come so that they can touch and stare and talk away about the color of our kids' hair and eyes. It might sound cute or funny, but it does weigh heavy day after day and I need lots of grace to deal well with this. I so enjoy a good conversation with new people we meet, but the staring, picture taking, poking and prodding.... ah!

After what felt like 23 people posing with the circus animals.... I mean, one of our kids or another... I finally decided that if they can all snap pictures, so can I. You can maybe tell that this wasn't the highlight of her day? Oh for grace for all of us!

About 3.5 hours in, we were still a way from the tallest waterfalls so we did it, we caved in and bought tickets for the "basket car" to the top. Not something Matt is proud of, but for the kids sake even my mountain man agrees that it was worth it.

There were butterflys. We saw so many and some incredibly large ones. The first one, black with bits of vibrant blue (I never got a great shot), was probably 5-6 inches tall and his wing span must have been, as wide as my hand stretched out. When I first saw it I thought it must be a bat. He looked like he’d weigh half a pound. This one was smaller.... maybe about the size of the palm of my hand.

And there was this pair of dragon flies, yes probably stuck together for good reason. They first landed on John and then snuggled on Matt's arm for a while.

The kids did great for the whole hike but by the end of the climb they were absolutely wiped. Soon after we snapped this shot (below), we laid eyes on the parking lot (around 3:30pm) and Marian let out a cry and I knew she meant it. I picked her up and she laid her head down on my shoulder and she was almost instantly asleep, minutes before we reached the car.

Good Hiking. Together. Fantastic Beauty. Amazing Creator. Wonderful Day. Abundant Thanks.

Dear John and Regine

Oh dear, beloved friends,

Our hearts are breaking for your agony. Holding your son, feeling him wiggle in your arms and knowing that he is as beautiful, as lovely as any baby could ever be. And then letting him go. Seeing him depart and go to Jesus after just a few hours of his presence with you. Oh dear friends, we are praying.

And, you have a healthy son now too. On Facebook I saw a few comments congratulating you on "your little man," "your bundle of joy," but those words were singular and we all knew you were awaiting twins. I even wrote to you there about rejoicing with you and grieving with you. But after thinking about it just a bit longer, I've decided that although there IS joy for you, it would seem truer that this time is marked more by grief than by rejoicing.

We, as the people of God, have been commanded to mourn with those who mourn, and we love you so much, so we don't want to miss you in this. We know you have a healthy beautiful son and we are so glad. We are so grateful for him and for you. May he grow to bring such joy and blessing to you and a myriad of others. We hope that you will have many decades to rejoice in his life, his passions growing and developing and being poured out for his own great joy and for the brightest glory of the God that we adore and that we trust.... but your son is missing his brother. And right now that is the sting you're bearing.

Two of my dearest friends are twins and at the one's wedding, her sister addressed her "Mel, you and I have been best friends since the womb..." Silas is missing his best friend. You are missing your son. And we are broken with you and for you, dear friends.

We've just had grief like this in our family so we've thought a lot about grief lately. At first glance, it might seem like birth and death should be equally weighty, equally celebrated, equally honored. But at the time of the death blow, I think it cannot. Grief overshadows. A griever can physically, hardly breathe. Mourning must be done in it's time.

And I think there is something to be said of grief as a gift. A hard and horrifying gift, but a gift of God nonetheless. I am praying that where you are- so terribly far from us- there will be those that will come around you to mourn with you.... to embrace this hard gift of grief, of being so emptied, of being carved out till you feel like you are going to burst open and there'll be nothing left of you, but still, trusting that you are being so carved by a Good and Gracious Surgeon, so that you can know more of Him, that you can comprehend, trust, enjoy more of his mysterious wisdom and goodness as he empties you in this valley of sorrow.

I wonder if more of the friends around grievers don't enter into grief because we are sometimes, somehow afraid that to enter into grief- to really mourn with the mourning- would be like telling God "I'm ok if you need to do this to me too." I wonder if it's this false sense of self-protection or something along these lines that keeps us from grieving more openly with others.

May the Lord grow us Christians to move beyond this kind of preserving our own lives- our comfort, our health, our lives- and move into the great joy of obeying our Lord... like the joy of fellowship in knowing and trusting God when we obey his command to grieve with those who grieve.

May the Lord be your great comfort in this time of sorrow. May he be your Rock, your Peace, Your Hope. We are greatly comforted to know that you do grieve with Hope, because we know that you will see your Brennan when he stands with our Redeeming King as He comes to reign. Come quickly Lord Jesus!

John and Regine, We love you so much. We are so glad for you to have your healthy boy. And we are so broken for you now as you mark the loss of your other sweet son.

Praying, praying, praying, loving you, and looking to Jesus-
Matt and Jill

PS- For friends of grievers, two very helpful links are here: Molly Piper's guide to grieveing with friends, and our brother and sister-in-law's advice for what to say, as well as their entire blog from the month of April this year. And, in case you haven't experienced a death like this close enough to home to "get it"... to know how hard it is, this post might possibly help, written for our grieving family.

here we go Charlotte!

This summer I've been reading "For the Children's Sake" by Susan Shaeffer Macaulay. Fantastically exciting and inspiring. I love the way this educational philosophy is rooted in a view of God's goodness to make us for his glory... He's given us brains to use them excellently- sparking wonder, curiosity, exploration, imagination, adventure, discovery in learning- to know the world He has made. The whole book is about Charlotte Mason's educational ideas and I think her ideas would be extraordinary to see slipped into the educational system in this country. I am super excited for them to be used as much of the foundation for the education of our kids in our home.

Charlotte Mason stresses the importance and greatness of encouraging kids to be explorers of their world. When we were outside last week we came across this dragon fly that I think had just died. I thought several times he might still be alive and I was a nervous giddy kid to pick up this beautiful creature.... he'll be the first specimen in some sort of a bug collection we get going eventually... (I hope!)

free music from The Village

The Village Church (FM, Texas) has some great worship music on their site that is free for downloading. I downloaded the kids album (5 fun songs) but wasn't able to get the regular worship album downloaded.... I did get to listen to it online though and it's great. Some really sweet lyrics and melodies.

I hope you can get over there and pick up your free tunes to enjoy too!

http://fm.thevillagechurch.net/music

picnic pictures

and a few more shots from a rainy Sunday afternoon...  Isaiah stayed inside for a lego battle with Daddy.  

a day for green

Our May Love has been pretty enthralled with matching things lately. She loves that we have matching green shirts and I love her goofy smile and quirky eyebrow look...

It was also Grand Opening day for a small business near our apartment complex. I really need to get to the bottom of what this is all about, but the drums boomed for at least 2.5 hours.... on my way to the fabric market and back again. I'm not sure if it's just plain celebration or if there is some hope that the drums will scare evil spirits away... I'll try to report back to you on this one.

The drums AND the firecrackers boomed. As always.

I shot scads more pictures at the fabric market but I'm still figuring out this beautiful new camera so none of the others are worth posting. I hope I'll start picking up some skill in this soon!

Could you possibly guess what the color of "blessing" is?

walking boy

Here's our sweet John boy on the eve of his 13 month mark. Please excuse the over-the-top commentary from the videographer...

Sinking Down and Looking Up

It’s hot and I’m tired and our big two (4 and almost 3) who often delight in their baby brother, have spent most bedtimes in the past week, gleefully pushing this sweet boy down, or like tonight, stepping on his back in gaudy, plastic high heels. To believe the best about them, I think they think it's funny for everyone, but clearly it's not. I told her she lost her “pretty shoes” for a month.

My own heart can spiral downward like my poor boy as I try to deal with all this general disobedience in their hearts and in mine. How can they disobey and then disobey again 2.5 seconds after being disciplined? Clearly, just like I do when I raise my voice after I’ve just sworn not to. Have mercy, Lord!

When I feel like I’m sinking in all this muck, feel swamped in these waves, I’m grateful to hear the voice of His Word tell me to lift up my eyes and grab on to his Rescue. And I'm most grateful that when my strength falters and my grip fails, He holds me... he holds me to himself whether or not my strength is there.

Praise, praise be for this faithful Rock, solid Rescue, living Hope!

Tonight I’m grateful...

~ that God is faithful when I am faithless

~ first steps from our little love and his radiating joy in the newfound ability to take them

~ summer reading that has cast many new dreams in my optimistic visionary heart [Russell Moore’s outstanding Adopted for Life, Susan Schaeffer Macaulay’s For the Child’s Sake, and The Story of My Life, by Helen Keller]

~ The Living Word that breathes life into me

~ That I can receive it, delight in it, be nourished by it like the beggar that I am, hungry for real life, starving for truth and rescue. I don’t need to be a super-star Bible scholar to be satisfied in it, by it.

~ Ambleside online and Ann Voskamp’s Feed Your Brain page to help us cultivate a learning lifestyle

~ that our second visa run is done!

~ and that we enjoyed a fantastic friend, the Grandma to some friends of ours who also needed to cross a border, so she traveled with us and blessed us the whole journey thorough. We love you “Grandma Joan!”

~ a hotel to stay in near the border that was super enjoyable and had the perfect pool for our little swimmers ($12 cheaper than the dive we stayed in near the Seattle airport last summer!)

~ cannonballs

~ crispy bacon at the hotel breakfast... we don’t have any pork in our home here in order to be able to share meals at our table with halal-minded friends. Though we're not huge bacon fans, it was just right last Friday morning!

~ a new bookcase in our room, already mostly filled

~ and for the open space there to be filled in time with excellent literature

~ and BookDepository.com to fill it.... Free Shipping Worldwide!

~ the “happy nursing”, around 4pm when John is intoxicatingly happy after his milk

~ and for the freedom and the “missingness” of weaning him

~ "Sure, you can play with it Marian."

~ "Isaiah, Daddy's coming.... Let's HIDE!"

~ smiles all around for slushy, not-yet-fully frozen popsicles

~ target practice with road signs, water guns on the back of our family 3-wheel bike

~ and the vocal delight after every shot

~ Isaiah and Marian's renewed delight in an old CD of audio stories.... Magic Fish, Curious George, Fire Truck! Thanks Nai Nai!

~ for friends who like to email, and this week reconnecting with one from more than two decades ago.... what a gift!

~ my man praying for me when I'm sinking down, gently encouraging me to look up