How did I ever...

...get it this good?  I still shake my head with wonder, these seven and a half years in, that I could ever be married to this man, ever get to raise these four precious lives born out of our love, ever serve and take joy on the front-lines of this life/battle together with him.

I remember an awkward (oh so tempted to write awful except that the Lord redeemed it) internship I was in more than a decade ago.  All of us singles who wanted to work overseas got to take a class on marriage and family:  me and three guys.  (Ug.)  The class came late in our internship and I had already decided not to work overseas with that group, and the teacher had probably finalized his letters home about me (that I would never do well working overseas), and two of the guys kept running into brick walls when trying to discuss views of marriage with me.  Why would I argue for this position?  Surely I was demeaning my gender??  No, I still disagree with those dorks ( :) )

I dreamt of marriage being a living picture of the Gospel, Christ pursuing his bride and loving her with her life, her responding with all the lavishness of a heart delighted in and made beautiful by the Lover's love.  I dreamt of love and being served and serving gladly, mutual submission.  And I was scoffed at- surely I was the young, dumb one- who would say roles in marriage seemed most sparklingly beautiful.... They thought that unless a husband and wife shared everything straight down the middle (each with a little of every role and responsibilty) that I was degrading myself.  (Not so!)

I dreamt of raising kiddos and serving up yumminess daily when he would come home, squeeze my shoulders and kiss me in the kitchen before sitting down for dinner with our little ones (who, in the dream, were never grumpy and were always perfectly obedient, of course, because we would be patient, perfect parents...) well... it works in my dream anyway.

YES.  This was my dream then and it's my delight now to serve in our home.  I don't view work in the home as slave labor or as menial work that any 12 year old could do....  My view of homelife - the ideals we are striving after here- are way too glorious to be so mocked or misunderstood.  This job takes all of me (physically, emotionally, spiritually), challenges me, and requires great grace from God continually even to keep things nearly rolling well here... I love every aspect and need every bit of this refining!  Matt and I are agreed that the work in our home is the most important job in our lives, not second to anything he does at the office or in the classroom all day long.

My prose is getting away from me here so I'll just cut to the punch and tell you:  I have been more blessed than I ever had dreamed.  The Lord has completely outdone himself to give me such a man.

March 14, 2004

Matt has four evenings of class each week right now.  I'm tired when he comes home.   This semester is also the heaviest load I've had in language study since Isaiah was our only infant and we've added 3 kiddos and several more responsibilities since then.   I'm tired and he's tired...  (Masters in Chinese, 3rd language study, helping start up a business and lots of relationships, yada yada yada....)   but still, when he comes home, he jumps into our circus like the ring leader he is, getting tackled, giving tickles and sometimes spanks and often pep talks and always hugs before he even gets a drink of water or a potty break of his own.   All this, often after a 1.5 hour bike road home in the cold.  (Edit:  he just clarified that he rides 1.5 hour daily but round trip...  I still think he's awesome.)  He loves me and he loves our kids so blazingly, wonderfully much (and he'll probably be embarrassed when he reads this and ask me to take it down, but I won't (though I truly usually do value the respect and submission bit)....  Sorry Darling.)

I am so glad I get to lead our home and he gets to lead us all in it.   He's the director of our show (though he also submits to the Script and it's Writer).  I'm the stage manager.   I'm so blessed that the weight and responsibility of ultimately keeping the roof over this circus is on his shoulders and not mine.  But my role is crucial too.  And while it's different than his  (just like I'm different than him) there's no thought of my work or my value being any less than his, him...  I love it.  I love him.  


Next week we're starting to meet with our tutors (a sweet dating couple) for an attempt at premarital counseling.  It will be something to talk about love and humility and what makes a marriage and selflessness, sacrifice, service, perseverance and forgiveness with these guys.  We look forward to sharing with them about the love of God- 1 Corinthians 13, 1 John 3:16- and how all this is unattainable with mere human effort but it gets planted in us like a seed to grow by the One who has first loved us so lavishly.   Selfless love.  Forgiveness.   God Does This.  



The pleasure is all mine that I should get to grow with this man to know and love and serve this Lover God with him.   


Thank you, Thank you, Lord.



I need sleep tonight (please kiddos!) so I can't go into much here.... but for a tiny bit more about Complementarianism (this view of equal and distinct and beautifully complementary roles for men and women), you could check this post or this free online book.