Self Control: Conviction’s Sweet Fruit

I’ve always known self control is a fruit of the Spirit (Gal 5) and generally a good thing. I’ve known that I need to apply self control if I go shopping. I can’t spend money that isn’t budgeted, that we don’t have. Regarding brownies, I know I need to limit myself to three (or four) servings and no more (I’m a nursing mom!). But honestly, that’s about all I’d considered as application for this virtue in my life. Of course I would have said I want to be self-controlled... but really, what shape would that take in my life?

For several months, the Lord has seemed to bring this virtue before my eyes, convicting my heart for it. I need it badly for life and growth.

Some specific areas for self control:

• in my relationship and communication with my husband
• for disciplining and instructing our kids
• in my thought life- not dwelling on what I wish I would have said, how I could defend myself, what I think she meant by that, or how I could twist that situation for my good or for my pity.

Matt and I really value blessing our kids with discipline (though sometimes you might not guess it if you were to watch them- oh for grace!). We want to train them to make it their aim to please the Lord and to know and do what is right and good. We don’t think they’ll stumble upon it apart from clear direction and instruction from the Word of God.

Being disciplined to learn skills and study to know the world will open up worlds of freedom and beauty for them. Just like the splendor created by a diligently practiced pianist isn’t free to lazy takers. We want this kind of heart and skills for our kiddos and we’re willing to work for it.

And just as this kind of discipline for our kids bears good fruit, I am seeing self-control bear sweet fruit for my own heart and in our home. Oh for more of this sweet grace, Lord!

In the next several days, I’ll be posting about a few of these areas, as a way of public accountability. I welcome your fellowship to walk towards more of Christ in this way together.

truth in our hearts

Here's another Kevin Hartnett poem that is fast becoming a joyed over jewel in our lives. Isaiah loves getting to celebrate the Word as God's sword. I love dwelling on these words together with them while we go, while we live...

Honored be Thy Wondrous Word! -- K. Hartnett, March 1999

With Your Name supreme exalted,

Honored be Thy wondrous Word!

Safed from mankind's ill persuasion,

Has Thy truth thus been preserved.

Warnings sure, but comforts better!

One the witness from its parts;

Fire to heat the studied preacher;

Hammer cracking stony hearts.

Could there work a keener power,

Strong and sharp to meet its ends?

By it stand the stars of heaven;

With it, angels swift He sends.

Piercing down 'tween soul and spirit,

Finer than a two-edged sword;

Strength prepared to smite the nations,

Poised to slay the devil's horde.

Agent of the great Creator,

Moving surely through the earth;

Sowing seed that brings salvation,

Watering the souls You birth;

Daily feeding thankful thousands,

Earnest trust of those in need;

Faithful to fulfill Your purpose,

'Turning not 'til You succeed.

Light of Life dispelling darkness,

Lamp before the pilgrim's stride,

Let illumined truth resplendent

Richly in my soul abide!

Turn these eyes from worthless pastimes,

Teach me all Thy ways aright;

Open up Your wondrous statutes;

In Thy law is my delight!

a new friend

Last week I found a free gift online. A link from a link from a friend turned out to be a "new mentor" for me, as my husband so keenly understood when I showed him the blog. I've never met this sweet farmer's wife but I do call her a friend.

Ann Voskamp's blog " Holy Experience" is filled with Life substance of the Word told with rare meekness and a quality of beauty I don't think I've ever seen on a blog. Honestly, rarely seen in word form. I could try to list the posts that have stood out to me, but it's not worth listing. Every one I've read has left me delighted or nourished or challenged or stirred. My only tips: take a look at "Meet Ann V" label at the top (especially to enjoy her statement of faith) and the classic posts link on the left.

I am a deeply blessed receiver to have discovered such a gift of Grace. I hope, if you have a chance, you will enjoy it too.

at the close of the day

I've been reminded in this season of grief of how badly pain can make me wish I could stop time. How can the world go on when such tragedy strikes, like the death of our niece?

Honestly, we have been limping with grief aches these nearly 3 weeks. Sometimes it feels like these new wounds rip open again, and sometimes we feel less distracted to complete a task or conversation. Time just does not stand still. Still we urgently hope for rest- stillness for Greg and Heather's world. 'Selah' long enough to regain some healing, strength and encouragement.

I thought that I might not post pictures from our side of the world for a long time. But even months from now we'll still be missing Maelee. Maelee is going with us in our hearts forever now... the whole way forward our little niece, our kids' 1st Grether cousin, will be in our memory and in our hearts. So, to honor her, and the Lord she is with.... here's a few shots of some of what has filled these passing days.

biking to the park (I know... what was I doing snapping a pic when I should have been adjusting his helmet?!)

At the park... we really need to get it out of our minds, this idea that a park should be a nice open place for quiet play. Or at least we need to go on a Tuesday if that's the goal.

matching helmet heads on these two that I love

happy at preschool

out on a date.... classes got rearranged just right for this blue sky day

worm hunters- I still need to show you our herb garden. The herb beds have 6 new worms since these hunters' success after the last rain.

bathtime

hesed

I heard an excellent sermon from Dr. Michael Calvert  on Hosea 2:16-20.  He shared a "laymen's definition" of the Hebrew word 'hesed' that went something like this:

The unwavering, absolute, faithful loyalty of God 

to be tenderly affectionate towards his people.  

So grateful for that, Lord.  And we'd like a bit more please...  come to us and come to Greg and Heather as they mourn.

Praise and thanks to "the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort."

Job Poem

I have been grateful for the writing and excellent poetry of David Gunner Gunderson at RAW CHRISTIANITY. I’m pasting a poem of his below that he wrote for a seminary professor whom he dearly loved, when he lost his daughter in a car accident. These words also now perfectly fit our family. I’ve replaced his professor’s name at the bottom with the name of our brother and sister.

JOB 1-2

by David Gunner Gunderson

There was a blameless man who was so godly he would pray

For the sins of all his children at the dawning of the day:

“Perhaps these ones I love have cursed the ever-blessed God;

So I slay this lamb and beg that You withhold Your gracious rod.”

Still, God saw fit to bruise them in His dark, mysterious grace.

But “behind a frowning providence He hid a smiling face.”

For the Lord is not so simple as to strike without an aim;

The brightly-burning furnace is a purifying flame.

There was a tested man who lost his all and then some more.

He buried his face into his hands and bowed upon the floor.

Then he cried, “Shall we receive so much that’s good from God above,

But reject His hard calamity that strikes with equal love?”

There was a weeping man who said that God was to be blessed

Both in poverty and riches, both in safety and distress.

So the Lord received his praises both in honor and in shame,

For this broken man found strength to say, “Lord, blessed be Your name.”

There is a lamentation that says “Blessed be the Lord,”

Whether skies be blue or black and whether grace or piercing sword.

There is a hopeful countenance that praises God for all,

Saying “Blessed be the Lord” both in the still and in the squall.

There is a throbbing man who is so very dear to me.

And just like the shattered Job of Uz, he’s picking up debris.

His life is now bereft of one that he had so adored.

Still, I hear him say with quivering voice, “Oh, blessed be the Lord!”

The Lord is always giving, yet He sometimes takes away.

But the Sun still shines as brightly in the night as in day.

Greg and Heather, please keep saying, as you feel the piercing sword:

“Oh, blessed be our sovereign God. Oh, blessed be the Lord.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Grether, it hurts us so much to think of how foolish our words must be when we desire to comfort you so badly. We know that all of our words fall so short of the peace and hope we long for you to have or the changes in time we wish that we could make! Still, we do trust that in time, you will stand firmer in the Lord, and be more full of precious qualities of His heart because you have suffered through and been refined in the furnace of this tragic loss. Although it sounds painful to exhort you so, it is still needful and good and right to encourage you with the last lines of this poem. We bless the Lord that we see and have heard it from you already. You are grieving well.

Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped. And he said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong.
– Job 1:20-22

“Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?”
In all this Job did not sin with his lips.
– Job 2:10

Why Lord?

Our brother Greg has written about asking "why" the Lord would let his baby daughter die. They have blogged through this loss. It is heart-wrenching and, we trust, a good part of their healing process to write as they are. We weren't sure about linking to their blog, but since they have said that comments, even from people they don't know, have been helpful, we'll include it now. I feel like, after this darkest season of grief (and I do believe it will not be this dark forever), we will, they will, I will live more, live deeper for having suffered with Greg and Heather through this loss. They are sharing this journey so well.

This morning I was also thinking about two different questions WHY.

1) Why would God allow my baby niece to die? This I don't know- not a clue. But in the midst of our sorrow we can trust. Trust that God is still good, still faithful, still loving, still God. And we trust that God will use this for the good of those who trust him (Psalm 84:11, Rom 8:28) It is a sad, sad thing.


We know, "If Christ were not raised from the dead, we are to be pitited above all men." (1 Cor 15:19) And if Christ is not true and we are to be so pitied, THEN what do we have? Only worse despair. "But in fact Christ has been raised from the dead." (1 Cor 15:20) So, although we don't have this answer, we do have sure hope in our Risen Lord.

But for a different why, I think the Bible does have some clear answers.

2) Why would God decide NOT to mark His people's lives with every prefect blessing and joy? Why would God let this happen to a family that trusts him, that loves him so? Shouldn't God's people be blessed- really blessed and really happy (as many would say today)? Wouldn't that be the case if our God was true? Surely this is evidence that he's not real or true or good or powerful enough if he's not doing this for his people.

We are sinners. We do not deserve any good thing from God. We deserve Hell (Romans 6:23). That this Holy God would crush his perfect, only Son to rescue us, filthy sinful people, from eternal damnation is beyond good. He doesn't owe us a thing. BUT he is good, he is loving... so wouldn't he want to give such gifts to his people?

We know that he is good. We know that he does want to give good gifts to his children (Luke 11:11). We know his character is good, wise, kind, loving, holy, just and merciful. But this does not bind him to always, only give us good things.

I heard a sermon from John Piper recently where he used a powerful analogy.

The world does not glorify Jesus as their supreme Treasure because of our health, wealth, and prosperity. Those are the same treasures they live for. The fact that we use Jesus to get what they want makes it clear to them that we have the same treasure as they do—and it is not Jesus. He’s just the ticket. And tickets are thrown away when the show begins.

God is not out to exalt anything but himself, as what we should live for. To show his people as uniquely blessed in all the world would indeed make people come. But would they be coming for the treasure of Christ or for the stuff? Piper reminded, us what happens to tickets once the holders get what they want... And God is not ok with His Son being thrown away.

He's not ok with giving his children lesser good either. (Romans 8:32, Matthew 7:9) Would God send his Son to die- would he crush his own son- to obligate himself to give us anything but that which eternally satisfies? There are so many good things in life and God is glad to give them... but ultimately he does not owe us these things. Not even "because we're his children."

We do not deserve life. He is gracious to give life as he does, but none of it is because we deserve it. Yet, stil knowing his character and heart towards his children, we have every reason to pray and hope for his healing and, in time, his joy to return and abound to Greg and Heather.

God is set on giving his children and showing the world the treasure that he offers (in the analogy... "his show"): "an inheiritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time." (I Peter 1:4-5)

I love that that salvation is already "ready" and waiting. I believe Maelee is waiting too in that place of imperishable life for that day when she'll be embraced by the mother and father from whom the Lord first knit her together. As Alcorn infers from Revelation 6: 9-11 in the book Heaven (page 65-66), "People in Heaven know what's happening on Earth.... [They] have a strong familial connection with those on Earth." See the rest of his writing to fuller understand his context.

I think one of the things God is out to show the world is how he sustains his people, comforts, speaks peace, gives his Holy Spirit. John 20:19-23

So... this doesn't mean grief is the least bit less painful (rather it would seem right to say that it hurts more for a couple who so thoughtfully, intentionally loves so deeply?). But in asking why, and hearing from God's word I can see that God IS still good. He has not violated any of his faithfulness to his people to allow this tragedy. He is not a liar. God is not powerless to save. God's people will have trials of various kinds (1 Peter 1:6-7).

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." - Jesus. John 16:33

perspective

We just got back from a quick trip out of the country. The visa that we have right now- our permission from this government to live here- requires us to leave the country every 90 days. Just when we want to be instantly accessible to talk with or hear from our precious family, we had to be on the road. We took a 2.5 hour flight, a bus ride to the border, waited through a too many lines, filled out too many forms, and finally made it to Hong Kong. We ate lunch (3 pm) and turned back to plow through both borders again. We stayed in that city for the night and made it home smoothly yesterday evening.

Flying back home, I reflected on how grateful (and honestly, astonished!) I was for how well our kids did on the whole journey yesterday. It was a tiring day. And to look at it, I'm sure it made no sense whatsoever to our kids. They didn't see why on earth we would have to wait through so many lines or just keep walking, wandering, and walking like we did.

But they did it. And I really want to bless them for it! What precious children's trust to simply go where we told them to go.....

It wasn't without motivation though. Having no prize at the finish line would never have worked for our kids (for our big two, that is. For John, he's just sweetly along for the ride.) From the start of arranging this "visa run," Matt knew we needed to stay at a hotel with a swimming pool. He found the cheapest hotel online that had a swimming pool and booked it. The kids knew what was coming.

And it was worth it to them (and, as a result, well worth it to us too.)

Grief would be unbearable- really not worth recovering from- if it weren't for the prize at the end of our finish line. Jesus endured the cross "for the joy set before him." (Hebrews 12:2) We should follow his example and do as we've been commanded to: look up, look ahead... (Colossians 3:2)

Peter addresses his first letter to "elect exiles." We live here, but as exiles who belong to (are chosen for) another place. We are "looking forward to the city that has foundations, whose designer and builder is God." (Hebrews 11:10)

Peter also tells those "elect exiles" to "live your lives as strangers here in reverent fear." Not as strangers who might be dropped off the back of the wagon. Not as strangers who are cared little for. But strangers here, who have been bought with an immeasurable price.

"For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish and without defect." (1 Peter 1:18)

Since God has already given the most lavish gift in the universe in order to rescue us- he crushed his own Son- He will not leave us abandoned now. "Shall I fear, or could the Head, rise and leave it's members dead?" (Luise Henriette of Brandenburg) No. Never.

In his book Heaven, Randy Alcorn describes Florence Chadwick (p. xx), who set out to swim from Catalina Island to the shore of California in 1952. She'd already been the first woman to swim the English Channel, surely she could conquer this task too. She covered almost the entire distance, but after 15 hours of swimming, she gave up. She was less than half a mile away. At a news conference the next day she said, "All I could see was the fog... I think if I could have seen the shore, I would have made it."

We are praying now for you, Grether, faith to know that past this fog is the shore- where Jesus is, with Maelee. You may not see it now, but it is there. We are praying for you to see it in time, and to have hope and courage to swim on. The Spirit of God dwells in you, and you surrounded by a crowd of heavenly and earthly witnesses to support you and love you for when you are ready to go forward (and that will NOT mean forgetting) from here.

solid

Job 1:21-22 "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord."

"Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears us up; God is our salvation. Selah. Our God is a God of salvation and to God, the Lord belong deliverances from death." Psalm 68:19

Isaiah 28:29 “And all this also comes from the Lord Almighty. He is wonderful in counsel and excellent in wisdom.”

"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies." 2 Cor. 4:8-9

"If in this life only we have hoped in Christ, we are of all people most to be pitied. But in fact Christ has been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep.... For as in Adam all die, so also in Christ shall all be made alive." 1 Corinthians 15:19, 22

Praying this morning for more selah, peace- rest, in the midst of your suffering, Greg and Heather. Not that there should be less pain, because your pain displays your love for Maelee and your love is not small. But we are praying for rest and some lightening of the burden of your grief.... may your soul find rest in God alone, may your hope be found in him. Psalm 62:5. Even a small, flickering hope right now, because it's not the quality of your hope, it's where your hope is rooted. He keeps you...

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock." Isaiah 26:3-4. Rock of Ages, let them hide in you now.

And so we hope with you, for you... though now, achingly. And we trust that the ache, just like death's sting, is not eternal, but will be exchanged for you, for us, because of Christ.